Because I'm Batman

I enjoy a good super hero story. Comic, movie, T.V., it's all entertaining. As you may have guessed from the title, this post is about the Caped Crusader. What you may not have surmised is that instead of another blogger debating who's the best, this post is about the bat-phone. That's right. The bat-phone. I think it's cool that Batman is the only super hero on speed dial. Superman and Spiderman hear about trouble from their respective newspapers. But for Batman the police turn on one of those lights from movie premieres. Doesn't the light also clue in the bad guy. Hey, just thought you should know. Batman will be over to punch you in the face later tonight.

If the police didn't want villains (or anyone else who looked up) to know about the secret meetings with the Dark Knight, there was always the bat-phone. They had a direct hotline to him and still couldn't figure out his secret identity. If you need more proof that Gotham P.D. are clueless watch the show from the 1960s starring Adam West. There was a bright red phone with a handle shaped like bat wings in both the police station and, not the batcave, Bruce Wayne's study. The bat-phone isn't hidden! Now I'm no super hero, but shouldn't all your super hero stuff be in your secret hideout, not lying in the open. It is unmistakably the bat-phone, in plain sight for all to see. What do you say if someone sees it? Yeah, Batman gave it to me. He likes to chat about his exploits. Says it helps him think more clearly. Like therapy. What? No I'm not Batman.

Well that's enough nerdiness for one post. Until next time.

2 by 2 I guess

Most people are familiar with the story of Noah. He took two of each animal on his ark to save them from the flood. I've always been curious however. What happened to all the dead bodies? In the story Noah and his family, and pairs of animals are saved from the flood. That leaves the rest of humanity and all the other animals to drown. Were they just fodder for the sharks swimming about or did Noah ever see any floaters? And what about after the flood? Did Noah have to spend his weekends burying corpses? Maybe that's what the carnivores ate while the herbivores repopulated. Was it part of the deal? God said, "You can survive, if you clean up the mess." How did he pick which two animals to take? Did he use a lottery or did animals present cases? Well I'm not taking you since you pooped in my yard last Tuesday. There's that cat that scratched me. Forget it Fluffy! The position has been filled.

Olympian in Training

I originally wanted to post this as part of the previous post, but found I had more to say and decided to split the two. Lucky you, two back to back posts.

I have not once been to a gym. I don't lift weights. I don't do treadmills. None of it. Why? It doesn't make sense to me. Why should I pay to exercise? Isn't the exhaustion and fatigue the price I pay for staying in shape? No pain, no gain. Or if you're a gym member, no monthly fee, no pain, no gain. I should clarify that I do pay a small monthly fee to use the university's recreational facility. I do this so that I can play racquetball and basketball on nice courts. I also have access to the climbing wall, aquaplex  and other facilities I never use. Now that the commercial is over, I can say that the majority of the center is dedicated to workout equipment. I walk by these people every time I shoot hoops. There is always someone on every machine doing a simple repetitive task they could easily do without the machine. I can easily walk in place for an hour or walk up the same set of stairs without spending a single cent. My favorite are the guys lifting weights. If they want to do heavy lifting I have some boxes in my garage they could move. I mean, these are the reverse moving guys. Outside of the gym, if I want heavy lifting done, I pay the movers, they don't pay me.

I like to exercise in ways that don't feel like a chore. I do this via sports and other activities. If I'm going to be active, it might as well be entertaining. I don't get the appeal of using a treadmill. If I'm going to be walking I might as well go somewhere. The gym to me is like a place for people to exercise with training wheels. They can't quite do it on their own and still need some help from machines. Personal trainers are like their parents pushing them from behind. Some people get so excited and are so committed to fitness, they have home gyms. They pay thousands of dollars for all the machines they use at a gym, stock their basement or other empty room with this equipment, and then never use it.

Look Ma! No Hands!

Although I am currently in between bicycles at the moment (and have been for some months), I consider myself a cyclist. At least, I am a casual one. I don't compete in any races, I don't have all the nice gear and apparel that shows off my skinny arms. Not to mention my price range spans from "So I hear you're getting rid of your bike," to "What's the best deal on Craigslist?" I enjoy riding though. For two years, cycling was my primary form of transportation. You notice a lot of things that you don't when you drive. You do your part to respect the environment, and you have the pleasure of showing up everywhere drenched in sweat.

Every now and then I run into another cyclist. You wave. They wave. There's a camaraderie present, even though you're strangers. This doesn't work when driving. I tried it. You roll down your window at the stop light and wave. They look at you all of sudden insecure about sharing the road with someone who waves at strangers. Why is that person waving at me? "Do you need directions? Perhaps to the hospital?"

Cyclists are an interesting group of people. We're like the hobbits of the road. We're a minority. Others see us as lowly interferences that make their journeys difficult. We can often pass by unseen by most cars (especially those that don't know what a bike lane is). The difference is that we hide our big hairy feet.

The Power of "R"

As much as Americans adore the English language, it actually is the hardest to learn as a second language. Fortunately the rest of the world is willing to learn it since most Americans won't bother to learn another language. "But what makes English so difficult Humorous Hermes?" you might ask. Well for starters "I before E accept after whenever you feel like it." The so called rules rarely apply. It doesn't help that English is a hodgepodge of words from other languages either. For a long time writers have made jest at why English plainly sucks. They mainly poke fun of words spelled the same but that sound different, also known as homonyms. (For more click here).

What grabs my attention about English is the letter 'R'. It's so powerful the Russians have a backwards one. Don't think it's impressive? Consider this. R can change fiends into friends. One letter not only changes the sound of the word but also the entire meaning. And this isn't the only time. R also changes though into through. For some reason R changes the sound of the vowel. That's why I say route (rute) instead of route (rowt), because without R it's out. The R changes the sound. Somebody should do something about these renegade R's that are going around changing stuff.

Words to Laugh By

For the last year and a half I have been compiling thoughts in a note on my tablet. Some have made their way on to Facebook, but most have remained in short hand in the same file. I knew I wanted to express these stray thoughts in some form, but wasn't sure how. I didn't want to do a blog because no one reads blogs. I had to do something soon though because I reviewed the file and found I couldn't remember what the notes meant. I decided that a blog, though not my preferred medium, would, in fact, be the most effective way to ramble. So for the last 5 weeks I've been telling myself I would start it, and now I finally am.

The thoughts I had been keeping track of were sarcastic comments I wanted to remember in case the opportunity ever arose. But, sarcasm is only funny in the moment and can't be forced into a conversation. It must flow naturally. On the Internet though, I can write what I want because, who cares? right? I'm not sure what to call the posts to follow. Bits? Jokes? Wasted time? I don't know what to expect of this blog (certainly not world wide recognition). I do know that I want to share the funnier side of life, which is easier to do if I can just write the story.

If you know me, you know I cannot make it through any conversation without being sarcastic or joke in some way. Let's face it. Life is hilarious. Studies show that optimists live longer, so consider this medicine. I don't like dwelling on negatives but rather endure to change them. Humor is vital to a good life and comes in many forms. I know this hasn't been a funny post thus far, but I wanted to give a forerunner of what's to come. Hopefully on this blog I will have gotten through all my notes. The stories to follow make me laugh and if I'm lucky, you'll laugh too. I can't promise the posts will be regular. Some will be short. Some will be long. I'll write when I can (it took me half an hour just to set up this stupid page). Stay tuned. Same bat time. Same bat channel.